Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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