i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
