so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And then my night got REAL pukey
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
