Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
