We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
