hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
