Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
