Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
