if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
