brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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