He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
