just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Found the puke drawer
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
