Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
