Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
