Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
