You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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