Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
