sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
