please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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