At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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