You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
