ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
