I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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