Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
