Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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