She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
