And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
