Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
