yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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