I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
