I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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