woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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