You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
