Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
