But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
