So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
