God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
