OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
