Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I supernannyed him into submission
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
