i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just tell him i said nine months
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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