woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As shirtless as possible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
