remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they need to just BURY HIM!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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