the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize