Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
