Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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