Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize