he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
