i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
