Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
