she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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