Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
