Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
