At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
