I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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