physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
