If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
