Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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