I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
