I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
